what I can only presume is on the daily To Do list of one of my cube neighbors:

1. Call Grandma.
2. Pretend that I know anything about how blimps take off and land.
3. Walk away from desk but leave iPod headphones plugged in and playing music.
4. Leave Grandma a message.
5. Place several outgoing calls to Grandma on cell phone, then leave to smoke for ten long minutes while Grandma calls back, thus filling the office with the sound of orchestral ring tone and loud buzzer-type voice mail alert.
6. Smoke.
7. Talk about the child I am planning to adopt and what "flavor" I want the baby to be (hint: not chocolate!).
8. Smoke.
9. Mention what I think of downtown Madison (so busy! so crazy!).
10. Shoot down every idea suggested by co-workers regarding filing system because it may cause inconvenience to self.
10. Discuss today's Lean Cuisine-and-Mountain-Dew lunch (highlights: not very filling; only two little pieces of chicken in it).
11. Set desktop background to, inexplicably, picture of post-9/11 New York skyline, even though I am from a city that is not New York.
12. Claim that spiders do not bite.
13. Ruin coworker's pleasantly inane lunchtime chatter with first the announcement that a woman was murdered last week in a domestic disturbance, then the announcement that my mother was a victim of domestic violence because my father hit her with a hammer (note: this may be sad, and true, but it is LUNCHTIME).
13. Smoke.