Dear My Neighbors Who Live Across the Street and Kitty-Corner to My House,
When I came back from Target this afternoon, having rewarded myself for finishing 2/3 of my grading without stabbing anything in the face, I noticed that our other neighbors were sitting out on their porch and laughing. These men live in a halfway house, so they're often out on the porch, smoking and debating, I presume, what they would like to do with the rest of their lives. But then, as I stood on my porch and gathered my keys and Target bags, I realized why they were laughing.
They could hear you having sex. As could I. From my front porch.
I'm going to have to ask that you keep your orgasms to yourself in future, especially on Sunday evenings when I'm trying to go about making dinner. Perhaps closing the window would be in order. Perhaps having sex in another room is an option. Or I suppose you could just not moan in ecstasy at the top of your lungs as you approach climax; you know, ix-nay on the OHHHHH OHHHHHHHHH MHMMMMMMMMMMMM thing.
However, should you and your current partner break up, I am sure that you can easily have your pick of new boyfriends from the guys across the way. You are a big hit with them.
best,
Steena
As is frequently the case, xkcd has the perfect comic for the situation.
ReplyDeleteIt's been a while since I've overheard sex. Probably since Rochester ... although those memories will last me a lifetime, since the parties in questions were each between two or three hundred pounds and very, very high. Or stoned. Or both.
ReplyDeleteBut yeah, fat. And right overhead. O Jeremy! O Daphne! Did your love endure?
um, um, um.... don't judge.
ReplyDeleteummmmmm, just saying.
ahem.
cough.
No, no. It's worth mentioning here that I admire the Sunday getting-some.
ReplyDeleteI got ... a dog.