falling

Today I woke up early for an appointment and drove through downtown, where Art Prize is in full swing. I had a full cup of coffee and some good music and rolled down the windows. It was the first time I've driven anywhere by myself since late July, when I broke the foot, and it felt good.

When I came home, I cleaned up the back yard--bagged some poop, put away the chaise lounges, swept the patio of yellow leaves. It's sunny today, but it feels like fall.

*

A tough week--lots of projects stacked on my desk awaiting grades, and the feeling that I'm falling further and further behind. I crash early at night, but wake up around one or two a.m. panicking, and it takes me a few hours to fall back asleep. On top of that is the nagging sensation that I need to be thinking of the future: summer fellowships, other positions. But it's hard to sit down and fill out applications for July 2010 when you aren't entirely sure yet what form your Tuesday class is going to take.

I collected projects from most of the students on Monday and Tuesday and then actually handed them back on Wednesday and Thursday--not because they were graded, but because some of them were just in shambles. I figured giving those folks another fifteen minutes to print and assemble and order the items within would save us both: them from the failing grade, me from spending the weekend screaming SMITF* every five minutes.

Like I said, a tough week.

This is what this semester is so far: a feeling of falling further and further behind every day. I don't know if it's just the extra class or the teaching straight through the week or what, but I feel ragged around the edges. It was nice to drive around today, wearing jeans and admiring art on literally every corner. It was the first time this semester that I felt relaxed.

Cross your fingers for me this weekend: hopefully I'll get everything needed for the week ahead ready to go, and a stack of grading done, with even a little time left over for grocery shopping. Maybe next weekend I can take a walk and stand on the Blue Bridge, under the table and chairs, and just breathe a little bit of that river-scented air, and greet the fall and whatever else it may bring.

*shoot me in the face